"rolls with rabbis"
S. Amber (25, Los Angeles) to M. Imbert (24, NYC)
Thursday, August 1, 2013
7:59 pm

Marg,

A girl walks into a sushi bar and sits down at a table of rabbinical students…sounds like a good joke, right? Well last night, that girl was me. I met up with my good friend Emma, her boyfriend Adam and a few of their classmates. Emma is studying to be a Cantor and Adam, a Rabbi— it’s a match made in my Bubbie’s not-so-subconscious heaven! And last night, I am sure you can surmise, was interesting…nay, last night was revealing.

They’re trying to set me up with their older, sober, awesome music manager turned rabbinical student classmate (I can almost hear my Bubbie shouting out “Baruch Ha’shem, he’s a Jew!" from somewhere in Los Angeles). I met him a while back in Israel but never really had a chance to talk to him. And by that I mean, I never gave us a chance to talk. Apparently, when I think I am supposed to be ‘meeting someone’, I shut down, off, up and that, Darwinianly (deal with it) speaking, must be the most bassakwards way to mate. But probably not in the least bit surprising considering that the shrill call of my Bubbie’s voice praising the Lord in the hopes that she will finally have the ginger grandchild she’s been pinning for so badly, undergoing what seems like eternal strife, is the soundtrack to my untitled biopic. Wanna help me choose the title? So far we’ve got two front runners (submissions accepted):

True Life: My Bubbie Will Live Forever— The story of a young spinster whose Jewish grandmother promises not to die until she meets her grandchild…and a Bubbie always keeps her promises.

The Ginger and her Bitter Bubbie— When a grandmother loses all hopes of meeting a son-in-law, she does what any Bubbie would do, she turns to the Jewish Journal. Perhaps the fate of the ginger-Jewish nation lies within the pages of the Classifieds…

The conversation at the table last night was a potpourri of torah, sex, drugs, Burning Man, and sushi. Not what I would have expected from a Wednesday night with Rabbis, I have clearly never rolled so deep with the Rabbinate. Actually, I must have been around 9 or 10 when I first saw a Rabbi outside of Shul— he was picking oranges from my grandmothers orchard in his tennis shorts, that was the day I learned Rabbi’s had knees— really fuzzy knees. I suppose there’s still a lot left to learn.

I remember when Emma first told me about Adam, she sounded so committed to their love but so apprehensive of what other people’s thoughts would do to her feelings. Though she never explicitly stated it, that surprising trepidation resonated with me— I always thought that it was me who put too much stock in the opinions of others, investing too much in interpersonal Ponzi schemes— but apparently I was not alone. Here was a beautiful woman with her beautiful man in this beautiful relationship and how she found reason to question it made me incredibly sad. What is it that we do to our friends, loved ones, even strangers, that inspires this fear in them? What is it that we expect from others that instills this fear in us? Why can’t we just love our neighbor as ourself (raise the roof for Jesus and re: The Ego and The Id, 1923)?

OlderSoberAwesome at one point, sandwiched between conversational themes like counseling the mourning and revenge sex, shared that he works at, what sounds like, a really incredible Jewish rehab facility called Beit T’Shuvah—which I just Googled and apparently means ‘coming home’, (which is also, incidentally, what people say when they’re headed to Burning Man—sure the coincidence is a stretch but I am choosing to see playa magic everywhere these days!). He says the term they use to categorize people who do not actualize their potential is “failure to launch". The rest of the table seemed to think it was a bit harsh but I couldn’t help seeing the innate optimism in the term— failure to launch just means that you haven’t launched yet. It makes me feel better to believe that in love, I just haven’t launched yet. Who knows, maybe OlderSoberAwesome and I will work out the way my friends would like, maybe it wont, but all of it has me thinking about the future and you and I both know how little I talk about that.

From my side of America to yours,

S

This letter is a part of the Femails to Femails Project, a new initiative led by American Circus contributor Marguerite Imbert that collects poignant emails sent between ordinary women around the world.